tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45591149096203259592023-11-15T07:39:58.338-06:00listening through the airshaftkellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-84502077422159230662009-03-03T14:53:00.000-06:002009-03-03T15:01:53.237-06:00December 14thDespite a lack of mistletoe, all I've been wanting to do lately is kiss your forehead. Remember that time you were hogging all the blankets and it was so dark when you turned out the light but I wasn't scared cause I felt your arm beside mine. Your hand was there too, touching my side right where the bed pulled up my shirt. Remember?that's when you kissed me on the forehead. I turned away for a moment- we were thinking many things. But then I said, "I liked it when you kissed my forehead just now." And you did it again. Do it again now.<div class="iblogger-footer"><br clear="all"/><p style="text-align:right;font-size:10px;">[Posted with <a href="http://illuminex.com/iBlogger/index.html">iBlogger</a> from my iPhone]</p><br/></div><br />kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-46832976740413274012009-03-02T15:46:00.000-06:002009-03-03T14:52:28.170-06:00suntan and smokeSo I knew that old car was a piece of crap. Smoke and everything every time I try to go someplace. Ha. Yeah, like today. I can't believe I missed it. Honestly, I finally have good intentions. And I don't know how to tell her I'm sorry. Maybe I'll just take the bus back before she wakes up and she'll forget her invitation and everything. Well, she might not forget but maybe she will forgive. It's easier to forgive when you don't have to see the face-the face of your most dissapointing child. Man, damn car. You know, I tried so hard. There I was driving those flat grey roads through the country wondering how much longer they would last and feeling all nervous and excited and warm like I finally knew I was doing the right thing. Man, even though I had to scrape the ice from the windshield before I left, the sun now comes through my window and I feel so warm-my skin feels hot like I am getting a tan. And then. Stop. Smoke. And I was stuck. Yeah. I'm taking the bus back. Don't tell her I was here. Can I take a piece of the cake?<br/><br/><br/><br clear="all"/><div class="iblogger-location-wrapper"/>Mobile Blogging from <a class="iblogger-location" href="http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=43.0867,-95.9554">here</a>.</div><div class="iblogger-footer"><br clear="all"/><p style="text-align:right;font-size:10px;">[Posted with <a href="http://illuminex.com/iBlogger/index.html">iBlogger</a> from my iPhone]</p><br/></div><br />kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-51530125008521663542009-03-01T23:31:00.000-06:002009-03-01T23:33:01.343-06:00at least I canSometimes I like watching my own eyes well up in the mirror. <div class="iblogger-footer"><br clear="all"/><p style="text-align:right;font-size:10px;">[Posted with <a href="http://illuminex.com/iBlogger/index.html">iBlogger</a> from my iPhone]</p><br/></div><br />kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-67487449514808333652008-10-10T16:26:00.000-05:002008-10-10T16:27:57.223-05:00Farmer TalkOLD FARMER<br /> (seated in a fast food restaurant, talking to other local workers.)<br /> It was the first time I had ever been on a train. Ever ridden the railroad. I am riding that train all the way up to Fairbanks, Alaska and looking out my window trying to see things. Too many damn trees. I never want to see another tree again. This here scenery is fine for me. Ain’t congested with branches. I listen to the whistles at night—the trains going through Alton with their whistles. Damn loud at night when you’re trying to sleep. Drive me crazy. Little Mary loves them though. She says, “When’s the trains coming? When’s the trains coming.” I say, “The trains come when you sleep, darling.” She says she wants to ride the trains all day and all night. I tell her about Alaska. I tell her the only thing she’ll see from that train is too many damn trees. Ain’t nothing like being here.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-82545615797204473452008-10-10T16:17:00.003-05:002008-10-10T16:25:54.823-05:009/11K ‘Bout time.<br />H I know, sorry, I got on the wrong subway.<br />K You would.<br />H I know, pretty pathetic. But there was a man on there with a great beard. You would have loved him. He was carrying a banjo. Almost asked for his number.<br />K For me? <br />H Yeah.<br />K You did not.<br />H I know.<br />K Snotbag. <br />H Wow I haven’t been here for a couple years. Looks better.<br />K Yeah, I guess they’ve spent a lot of time cleaning it up.<br />H How many years?<br />K Since 9/11?<br />H Yeah. Seven?<br />K Yeah I guess so.<br />H Sort of weird, isn’t it?<br />K Yeah. This place is still kind of eerie. <br />H I feel like we shouldn’t be talking here.<br />K Yeah. Do you want to go get coffee?<br />H No, no, I actually have to run. But I brought you your book. Thanks.<br />K No prob. Hey, look at that kid over there with his mom.<br />H Cute!<br />K I know. She’s crying.<br />H My dad was supposed to be here that day.<br />K I remember you told me that.<br />H I don’t understand why God says yes to some people and no to others.<br />K Do you think that’s how it is?<br />H I don’t really know. I guess so. <br />K I don’t really remember what they looked like. <br />H Like skyscrapers.<br />K Yeah thanks. Did you know that a lot of those tv shows used to have images of them in the intros but they took them out afterwards?<br />H I guess that makes sense. Sort of sensitive.<br />K Are you okay?<br />H Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine.<br />K Okay, well call me later. <br />H Yeah I will. <br />K Lets get Starbucks tonight.<br />H Okay. <br />K Its hard to look at isn’t it?<br />H Yeah. And hard to talk about too.<br />K I know. And I wasn’t even that close to it.<br />H I know.<br />K Okay, hug me.<br />H Bye.<br />K Bye. See you later gator.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-22475743078086597712008-03-21T12:07:00.001-05:002008-03-21T12:08:26.428-05:00So one of the most uncomfortable things that can happen to a person is to make eye contact with a stranger in a public bathroom mirror.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-85738367196998265182008-03-21T11:57:00.003-05:002008-03-21T12:05:20.364-05:00Hymns"Did we in our own strength confide,<br />Our striving would be losing."<br /><br />"Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,<br />Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art..."<br /><br />"There is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from Immanuel's veins,<br />And sinners plunged beneath that flood, lose all their guilty stains."<br /><br />"I hear the Saviour say,<br />'Thy strength indeed is small,<br />Child of weakness, watch and pray,<br />Fing in Me thine all and all."<br /><br />"May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's sun!"<br /><br />"Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe,<br />Sin had left a crimson stain,<br />He washed it white as snow."<br /><br />"Oh Love that wilt not let me go,<br />I rest my weary sould in Thee."kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-41404326806297996912008-03-21T11:55:00.001-05:002008-03-21T11:56:59.690-05:00I write for all of you.There are a lot of different "you"s in my life.<br />I just wanted to tell you.<br />Its not you.<br />Maybe it is.<br />But don't think its you.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-25708307696236217592008-03-21T11:54:00.002-05:002008-03-21T12:07:07.987-05:00BlanketIf I was a quilter,<br />I would collect you in pieces,<br />Stictch you together,<br />And wrap myself every night in the blanket that is you.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-31582591343239492862008-03-21T11:53:00.000-05:002008-03-21T11:54:40.551-05:00"I've got nothing," is sometimes the saddest thing you say to me.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-77804624905204277202008-03-21T11:31:00.001-05:002008-03-21T11:31:49.750-05:00This Should be a Children's PoemIt was our house- their hands.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-40738447249512135552008-03-21T11:28:00.001-05:002008-03-21T11:30:57.991-05:00How to QuitSmoke for my lungs--replaced with tea, paper and pens.<br />Fresh sky.<br />I miss the grey; blue does not calm me.<br />Neither does your voice.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-83851966925785624352008-01-05T08:35:00.000-06:002008-01-05T08:36:09.501-06:00i am trying to figure out how to recover.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-62907820329978682132007-12-21T18:16:00.001-06:002007-12-21T18:17:19.612-06:00it might help to see the ocean.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-5023342933718645442007-12-19T23:28:00.000-06:002007-12-19T23:36:34.150-06:00everyone is scared.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-44183715136497192672007-12-17T17:14:00.001-06:002007-12-17T20:44:50.636-06:00Something I remembered...Once a boy I liked dearly broke up with me because my blog sounded too "over-dramatic."<br />Get over it. And please don't leave me cause I talk funny. I'm just a silly girl.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-15342062244317216042007-12-17T16:37:00.000-06:002007-12-17T17:16:08.834-06:00What does it mean to breathe?Home. But it isn't.<br /><br /> I find myself in an almost yellow room, I say "almost" because its not bright enough for yellow. Not hopeful, not friendly, or inviting. The opposite of the sun. Drab. Drab yellow. Almost an oxymoron, isn't it? I guess it's not really yellow anyway.<br /><br />I got lost trying to find my way to my room last night. The lights were off and I was attempting to make my way to the bed [they told me was mine] without waking the family [I've been recently reunited with]. But they tell me this is home. I tripped on the stairs. I could not fall asleep last night despite being tired. Maybe it was the lack of my roommate, my girl, the one I already look forward to seeing again. I heard no breathing. I missed the coughing. She has TB, I'm sure of it. The bed is unlike all that I'm used to. Not like home. Not like school. Is school home? Feels more home than this--place.<br /><br /> Today I woke up to an almost empty house. Bird has driven back to Pennsylvania already to see the people she knows. She will pass by the house I call "home," and I only wish I could see it. And I wish I could touch those faces that I remember so clearly. The ones entitled "friends." But she has gone and I am here in an empty house I am lost in. I will return there soon. But first I must celebrate being a family. And celebrate Christmas. Traditions. Heather was at swim team. Laps and laps and laps. Its good for her. I lack dedication, self-discipline. I could never swim like she can. My dad was in his office typing. Typing typing typing. I didn't mind. Being by myself is quieter.<br /><br /> I enjoy the silence.<br /><br /> When they are home, there is none. I forgot that being part of a family meant feeling stressed all the time. I was looking forward to releasing all of the anxiety I had built up from school once I got here. But it will not happen. No, just add layers. Pyramid. Maybe it will reach a point. I hope I cry. I forgot what it was like to hear yelling and disrespect. I forgot what it was like to be noticed one minute and hated the next. I thought she would be better this time. I know she is trying. Maybe it will be all right. I just need to breathe. In, out, in, out. She did send me messages saying she missed me...and that she wanted her shoes back. I gave them back. Maybe one day she will love me.<br /><br /> Four days without a smoke. Today I caved in.<br /><br /> I also went to the library.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4559114909620325959.post-40878686016143076962007-12-01T20:57:00.000-06:002007-12-01T20:58:47.803-06:00is a procrastinator.kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15786232708124413773noreply@blogger.com0